Yesterday, I commemorated the third-month anniversary of my redundancy by bursting into tears. I was frustrated because everything I was trying so undeniably hard for was not exactly panning out (I tire still at the amount of rejection letters) and that my salary was next-to-nothing in comparison to what it once was. What’s more, I couldn’t help musing on the irony of having had more freelance work when I was actually working and didn’t need it, as opposed to know where I would almost consider selling my soul for it (yeah right – am not that desperate).  

Not long after, I remembered that I had, earlier that morning, posted a blog post on escapism, so I tried a bit of it mysef. I called my best mate, whinged my heart out and got back to my desk, knowing that I simply had no time for sulking. Instead, I sought ways to channel my energy into rectifying the situation:

• I asked a fellow writer who is one hell of a brand (take a bow Ms Sarah-Jane Adams) about ways on improving my career potential ONLINE, which I implemented by updating my resume, services page, links and portfolio on my professional website  (For those of you who want to make a business out of creative pursuits, I suggest you check out Sarah-Jane’s business advice in her column for Trespass
• I discussed plans on completely re-doing said professional website with web designer and cousin-to-moi Eddie Ayoub of Ice Vision Graphic Design, which I plan to implement in near future
• I completely detoxed my list of stale-ish pitch ideas and half-finished pieces, and decided to start with some fresh ones
• I re-wrote my to-do list because its layout was cluding my judgement in prioritising my tasks
• I cried a little bit more, because it was a catahartic process that evidently proved it was worth it
• Bored with myself and the publications I was targeting, I tore down my sheet of  target publications and replaced it with a new list that included a mix of those I’d like, and a mix of more realistic ones (besides, the others were in my head anyway)
• And finally, I made a mental list of my commissions and published pieces since July – 2 pieces in The Punch, one feature in Girlfriend, a commission from Yen, a piece in Eureka St and one which will soon appear on ABC Unleashed – which reminded me that as long as I had a little bit of faith and loads of perserverance, I could still make things happen.

Which is why I have decided not to let things get to me. In fact, I mentally checked off all my mind’s negatives with positives, just to balance me out a little. A few examples:

• Sure, we’re in a GFC and you can’t afford to pay me, at least I am getting my name out there.
• Right, I know you can’t get me a loan for $X because I earn $-Y and I have to rely on my man to work on paying off OUR house – at least I have someone to lean on.
• Yes, I totally understand why you can’t hire me, at least now I will have time to work on my thesis (yeah right).

And then, because I am a writer, I looked up a few perserverence quotes (with thanks to my collection of quotes and the Quote Garden) to keep me going:

• Let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart — Galatians 6:9 (Bible)
• To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life — Buddha
• If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again — William Edward Hickson
• I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat – Winston Churchill
• The difference between perserverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t — Henry Ward Beecher
• The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places — Author Unknown
• Consider the postage stamp:  its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there — Josh Billings
• Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did — Newt Gingrich
• It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer — Albert Einstein
• Don’t be discouraged.  It’s often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock — Author Unknown
• Saints are sinners who kept on going — Robert Louis Stevenson
• Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail — Ralph Waldo Emerson
• Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting — Christopher Morley

All in all, I am remembering that although these three months have been difficult, they have had their merits in that they forced me to make some re-examinations of my goals, and some adjustments with regards to the tools that will get me there. If you are at a point when you hurl your writing into a fire and do a tribal dance around it, I beg you don’t. Take a step back (escapism again), and look at it from a different perspective. It’s always worth it to perservere with your dream.

Besides, you never know when help is around the corner. Especially when help comes in the form of some hot new boots courtesy of your boyfriend for your four-year anniversary. If you want to talk about perseverance, think about me ogling these boots for months but insisting that I was fine without them (when I clearly was not) because of their $420 price tag. And because I was such a good girl in persevering with the I-don’t-need-you-mentality, boyfriend used the waiting time to score them at 50% off. If you like ‘em, check ‘em out at www.peeptoeshoes.com.au

To my career woes I say: These boots were made for walking, that’s just what they do, one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you ;p -